Explore Your Relationship with Alcohol

Episode Overview

This community has had such a positive response to conversations with my friend, Jenn aka the Sober Sis that we’re taking it back to one of the first episodes with her. The conversation helps you explore your relationship with alcohol, recognize when it’s unhealthy, and how to work towards changing your mindset and lifestyle. Jenn talks about how the stigma of sobriety often puts pressure on women to drink socially and the way in which alcohol consumption can affect us both physically and mentally. We also discuss the importance of understanding the root cause of your relationship with alcohol before you can quit successfully.  

Questions Answered

  • How do you get to the root cause of your relationship with alcohol?
  • How does alcohol consumption affect us physically and mentally?
  • What is a healthy approach to alcohol that will bring lasting results?

Action Items


Key Moments in the Conversation

[3:34] I’m really grateful that God pointed me in this direction, although it was a very unlikely direction and not something that I ever really thought that I would be so vocal about and so passionate about sharing. [6:07] There I was in my thirties navigating being a mom, being married, working, and socializing around something that really instantly made me feel relaxed, made me feel a part of things, and it made me feel like a grownup in this new world that I was in. [11:18] There were nights where I thought, “nope I’m going to be good tonight” and I used willpower. I white-knuckled it with a  deprivation mindset, so I was miserable, but I wasn’t drinking. I thought it was a win but really all it did was make me want it more when I went back to it the next day or two or three.  

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Hi friends. I’m Deanna Pizitz and you’re listening to the Well and Worthy Life. I’m a certified help coach and my goal is to help you become the best version of yourself. I’ve done a lot of things in my life before I found my way here. I’ve been a saleswoman, a fitness instructor, a business owner, a mother to three boys, and now a grandmother to a beautiful baby girl.

Now I’m just trying to live my best life and I want to share my experience and strategies to help you do the same. That means talking about your physical health, mental health, spiritual health, and everything in between. Let’s find the way to your best life together. Hey guys, thank you so much for joining me for another episode of Will Unworthy.

I’m so excited to introduce you to a new friend. I have, you know, I love this platform. I have, and one of my clients told a, a program she just finished. She started in April and she just finished it. And so it was a program, a 21. A challenge to go alcohol-free. And so I was like, you gotta tell me more about this and we’ll get into that, why?

I wanted to know more about this. But anyway, I just have to let you meet her. Her name is Jen aka Sober Sis, and I love that. And we’re gonna talk about what it might look like to live an alcohol-free life and what her story is and. Yeah, just talk today. So Jen, thank you so much for joining me today. I’m so excited to have you today.

I love it. This is gonna be a fun conversation and I count you as my new friend as well, so I’m excited. I know. Well, you know, when we talked for the first time the other day, it was just like, you know how you just connect with people and that’s what I love and you and I have a lot in common, and we just instantly connected.

Let’s tell everybody a little bit about you and what you do, and then we’ll go into your story. Yeah. Awesome. Okay. Well, like, like Dean said, I’m Jen and I’m a Texas girl, so you’re gonna have a lot of accent on this podcast episode. . Yeah. Uh, down here. So I’m a, I’m a Texan, just celebrated my 25th wedding anniversary.

I have two kiddos in their twenties and am just kind of in this new. Midlife. That sounds boring. I’ll say empty nester life zone. And I’m really excited about kind of the new season that I’m stepping into in my life and excited to be really present for it. It’s a good time. Ah, it is. You know, I’ve been an empty nester for a while.

I do love this time. I think it can be the best time. In fact, my first podcast I did was with one of my friends who’s in Texas too. She’s in Dallas. And we talked about that, like reinventing yourself, you know, especially as an empty nester. Cuz me and my girlfriends, we used to sit around and we were like, well what are we gonna do one day?

Exactly. I’ve that myself, I’ve, I’ve always had my hands dabbling in different businesses and I’ve just kind of got an entrepreneurial spirit and my husband and I have always owned our own businesses, but I really didn’t know what my thing was gonna be. As Jen as this kind of new season in life, and I’m really, really grateful that God pointed me this direction, although it was a very unlikely direction and not something that I ever really thought that I would be so vocal about and so passionate about sharing.

And that’s been very exciting to have something that I’m so passionate about. Well, because God has a funny way dunny about using things. He uses our things in our life that, I mean, I’m a big, big believer in sharing your story because it can help somebody else and don’t let it go to waste, right? I mean, I joke and say I’m on my third marriage and this one I’m keeping , but I have to share.

You know, my divorce situation. Cause you know, I think it’s important for people to hear. So tell me a little bit about sober cis and, I mean, I know, but for people that don’t know what sober cyst is and what that looks like, what is sober Ciy? Yeah. Oh, for sure. Well, here’s a little bit more background about me and my story.

You know, there I was a, a young mom in my late twenties and was just, you know, in the ki kind of in the kid zone. Newly married. I’m really building our family in my twenties, so I found myself in my young thirties, a married, working mom. I was working kind of in and outside the home at that time, and that’s when I really started getting into the social kind of happy hour scene as a working mom.

With my awesome little lovely kids all day. You know, they were like five and six. And then I would go to these meetings in the evenings and we would find ourselves doing these really kind of a, it was kind of a high pressure situation where you’re constantly marketing and working and then we would all go to the bar in the hotel or you know, in a nearby restaurant after the meeting.

And that’s when I really found myself kind of going into. Hey, I’m a grownup. This is my time, kind of me time, and I’d love to take the edge off, relax with my friends. And that’s when I really found myself navigating more of the adult grownup world of social drinking. And again, this was, you know, a whopping 15 years ago or so.

And so the climate around alcohol was even different then. It was still socially acceptable. If you were choosing to not drink, whereas now it seems like everyone’s drinking is just constantly in your face. I had really grown up as more of a non-drinker, and so there I was in my thirties navigating, being a mom, being married, working and socializing around something that really instantly made me feel relaxed, made me feel a part of things, and it made me feel like a grownup in this new world that I was.

And so really my thirties, I just spent kind of, um, you know, just kind of socially drinking, kind of hanging out with everyone. My husband and I started drinking together as kind of our date night, our activity. I mean, I’m buying Groupons for all the wine tasting and beer rooms and, and just, it really became almost.

Kind of a hobby, almost just an activity for something to do was go find a really great patio and um, have a few drinks. And so that was me in my thirties. But even then, it was starting to just really show up in my life as something that was kind of misaligning because I was so. Healthy and mindful by day.

I mean, I was the, you know, yogini, I’m drinking my green juice, I’m juicing the kale people , I mean all in. And so I’d be so mindful, you know, I’d start out my day with such good intentions about being mindful and present and living healthy. And then about five o’clock it was like, okay, wine o’clock, I’m done.

I get to celebrate my mindful day and I get to celebrate all my hard. With drinking, which kind of didn’t make sense because what I found is it was actually really undoing from even a health perspective. A lot of the calorie burning I was doing during the day, I was literally those calories at night and just even be beyond the health aspect.

I was just taking my presence away and I was really starting to feel a little bit in conflict as a mom with my kids getting a little bit older. Recogniz. Oh, mom pours a drink every time she’s in the kitchen cooking for us. That’s interesting. I just didn’t like that. I didn’t like that. I was modeling that drinking was the norm, that it was normal for me.

It was mommy’s juice, mommy’s time, and again, the marketing and messaging sure didn’t help because that was the messaging I was getting. And you’re getting constantly is, that’s even more so now arguing. And so I was already starting to feel a little bit of of conflict. So I took breaks. I did the whole thirties.

I did a whole year off in my late thirties because I was always trying to find that balance and that that alignment where I felt like I wasn’t in this mental tug of war inside. But I’ll tell you, nothing prepared me for raising teenager. My daughter turned 13 the year I turned 40, and it was like the hormonal, perfect storm of all the teenage angst and all the, ah, I’m 40.

I should be feeling better by now, looking better, feeling more on top of my game, and instead, I was feeling overwhelmed. Just completely exhausted in my own life, and that’s really 40 to 45 for me or kind of my years of just struggle, struggle to just be the mom I wanted to be, be relaxed, not be anxious, but yet I was, I was feeling a lot of anxiety and just navigating those.

Choppy waters raising teenagers. And so I found myself just kinda checking out a little bit again in the evenings. You know, I’d go drink with my friends sometimes at lunch after a workout. Ironically, we’d go to, and then go to a nice Texas patio and have a couple of drinks just to, just to, you know, t g I.

And that’s when I, I just really felt what I call in the veno fly trap , it was like, man, I am stuck in this habit. I know I can quit if I want to. I don’t feel physically dependent on it, but I’m certainly inching towards it and I know that I’ve got this mental emotional tied to it where now it’s become like a friend, like a bad.

Kinda lures me in with these promises, but then doesn’t really deliver at the end. And that’s how I felt for really about five years. Just stuck in this really this detox just aox loop. And workout. Eat great, do it all. Sweat it out. Just so mindful, so healthy. And then at night, plowing through two, three, sometimes four glasses of wine and just thinking, what am I doing?

But was it every night that you were doing this? You know, it really wasn’t. Every night. I did find ways that it was easy to justify drinking every night, whether it was a book club, uh, networking meeting, a happy hour. My husband and I own a real estate company, so the industry that we’re in really, that he’s in is super heavy on kind of a Tuesday night or Thursday night, five to seven happy hours.

So those were constant. , then you got date night. Alright, just sometimes the storm was rolling in, let’s crack open and bottle and go on the front porch. It was getting easy to drink every night, but there were nights where I thought, Nope, I’m gonna be good tonight. And I used willpower. I white knuckled it.

I had the deprivation mindset, so I was miserable, but I wasn’t drinking. So I thought it was a win. But really all it did was make me want it more when I went back to it the next day or two or three. So when you quit, did you quit for those different times? Did you quit because you were like, I just need to see if I can quit, and then you thought, well, okay, I’m okay so I can go back and drink some.

Exactly. Exactly. And yeah, so I would take, you know, breaks, whether it was just like making kind of all these rules, that’s kind of a red flag. , your listeners are curious. If you’re out there making rules around your drinking to moderate it or kind of manage it so that you feel better about it, that’s a really good signal or red flag that maybe you really do have an unhealthy relationship with.

Drinking doesn’t have to mean you’re an alcoholic. It can just mean that you’ve gotten an unhealthy. Relationship with drinking, and one of those flags is making rules and trying to do all these moderation tricks. So I would do the, I’m not gonna drink Monday through Thursday. I’ll just drink on the weekends.

Or, wow, red wine really gives me a headache, so I’m only gonna drink white, or I’m only gonna have three. But if I have more than three, then I’m back to square one. Blah, blah, blah. Mm-hmm. . So lots of rules and, and most of the time those were not a problem. It was kind of like I could moderate until I couldn’t, and there would be

There would be those times where I would drink a little bit more than I wanted to or meant to. Maybe I got wrapped up in a celebration. I tell you, weddings. Anyone else out there where it’s just like open bar, people are dancing. You’re not really paying attention to how many you’ve had. Everyone’s just having fun.

And so whether it was that situation or just, you know, maybe that waiting up for my kids. You know, for curfew, my husband’s already gone to bed and I found myself in front of the tv, you know, with my Netflix on and just kind of that mindless sipping that just kind of turns into just this blurry numbing, just, and now it’ll help me fall asleep.

I’ll just have one more. And I had no idea the science that was behind drinking and why it was so sabotaging to me to think that alcohol was actually a sleep aid. Did you know 20% of heavy drinkers use alcohol as a sleep aid? Because we don’t understand, as a society, we’re not taught or told how much alcohol w reeks havoc.

Even one drink reeks havoc on our quality of restorative. I thought I was doing myself a favor by kind of knocking myself out because my brain was so tired of working overtime. I thought, well, I’m just gonna kind of glide into a bed that way. And, um, at 3:00 AM sure enough that that wake up call, that one was kind of a little bit of a racing heartbeat, little bit of dread.

It’s actually chemically induced anxiety at that point, and wake up and promise not to do that again. And then by five O’. Finding out that I’m doing that again, , right? And so it was maddening, it was nerve wracking. And because I probably like you and a lot of your audience, you know, really disciplined, high functioning, high performing, high achieving, go get it done, women.

And so I find that a lot of the women that I track and work with are that type really, you know, healthy, otherwise, like this is like the one thing. It’s just not really matching up or adding up to the rest of their lifestyle. That was me. I think that’s what’s really interesting that some people think they can drink and they’re still healthy.

It’s not that, I mean, I always tell my clients when we talk about, you know, they always come to me for weight loss, and I tell them right away, I mean, once you start drinking, and once I learned this, it, it kind of gave me a red light, like, or a green light. Like you need to understand what’s going on here.

You’re going to quit burning fat because we, that’s what we do in faster way to fat loss. We’re trying to burn fat, and you’re gonna quit burning fat for 12, 24, 48 hours. Your body is going to use the alcohol for the preferred fuel source. If you’re working so hard to be healthy and to lose weight and to lose fat, why would you sabotage yourself in faster way?

We discuss about not depriving yourself of things, you know, a balanced life. So when some people come and talk to me about alcohol, I’m like, okay, if you wanna use that, you know, one night a week, one or two glass of wine, whatever your drink is, whatever. If that works for you, great, but every night you’re not going to get the results you want.

The other thing I keep thinking about is if you are using it, why are you using. You know, are you using cuz you really enjoy it because most people I know, and the way I’ve used it in the past is kind of take the edge off and let’s be honest, does one glass take the edge off? No. Wow. And so for me, when I was in my younger years, when my kids were younger, I didn’t drink at all.

My first marriage, we just really didn’t drink. I mean, every now and then, maybe in college I did, I went through a period of drinking alcohol on me. Really just don’t get along that well, . So, um, because I hit that one too many too quick, and then it’s like, oof. But then after I got divorced, I was in my forties and it was more accepted, just like you said nowadays.

I mean, really accept. So I started, I was introduced to wine. I’d never really drank wine and, and I got to be where I drank a good bit of wine. I’ve gone up and down throughout the years of being like, I cannot wait till five o’clock. I remarried six years ago now, and last October my husband said to me, when we first got married, I hardly drank again.

I was back. Thing of hardly drinking and he drank more than me. And as we married, stayed married, I was drinking more than him again. And he said to me, he said, you know, drinking is, you are not, he said, you are not a nice drunk. That’s what he told me. And I was like, what do you mean I don’t really drink that much?

But what would happen to me, I’m the pleaser. I like everybody and I overdo everything. And what would happen is when I would have a couple of glasses, my tongue would get looser. And so to him, I was not being very nice, would cause an argument. And then the next day I would wake up and I wouldn’t remember what we argued about.

And I know it was really his fault. Right. I knew it wasn’t, but I could never remember what it was. . Right. I’ve been there. I decided, I decided in November. I’m like, I got it. I gotta stop this. And so in November I decided to go alcohol free for the month. I wanted to see, you know, I mean, I knew I could do it.

I’d done it before. So I wanted to say, but I became so aware of everything and all. Drinking activity and how it made other people feel uncomfortable and just was very, very eye-opening to me. It also, I felt so much better. And the other thing was I was like, hello, I’m not having to worry about that weight right.

And I’m not having to worry about that fat loss that because now I keep burning my fat like I want to. So with menopause, I, cuz I’m. Throws a menopause, you know, it helps with menopause not to drink and, and everything else. And I was having headaches and it just was not, it’s not my friend. Alcohol just does not serve me at all.

So it’s funny because I have drank a little bit since that time, but not like I was, and it wasn’t until I found you. Started following you, listening to some of the things that really has sparked this interest in me. More about really what would it look like to be alcohol free forever. I mean, it might be kind of nice.

It’s actually really freeing for me. You know, I feel like I can drink what I want when I want, and it’s not that I can’t drink, it’s that I can drink and I choose not to. And I picture, I picture the day coming very soon and it’s really already here in many, in many ways, where people are sitting around at a table and you know, the waiters take in our order and someone says, well, I’m gluten.

What do you have on your menu? Someone else pipes up, I’m vegan. Someone else says, I’m really going sugar free right now. And someone else says, yeah, I’m going alcohol free. And it’s seen as the same. I think there’s so much stereotype and stigma to people not drinking. It’s so bizarre to break the stigma.

Of sobriety. Even the word sobriety is like, oh, what happened? What happened to you, girl? Mm, I’m sorry. And people end up apologizing for not drinking. It’s the only, it’s really the only drug we have to justify not taking. Which is crazy, but that is our society. And so I really wanna be a change agent and a person in the conversation that says, Hey, you can choose to be alcohol free.

Not because it was so bad, but because you want something better. You want something better for your life. You wanna feel better, healthier, your emotional. Wellbeing, your mental health, your spiritual health, everything is just more in line for me anyway. And so I think, you know, I’m choosing to be alcohol free as a lifestyle choice because it’s, it’s the best choice for me, not because I can’t drink or for something so negative, although it did have negative consequences for me as well.

It was definitely taking more than. Giving and that 20 minutes of kind of that, ah, kinda that euphoric. There it is. There’s that buzz, that lease. It has such a two to three hour minimum backlash, kind of an undertow that there’s a heavy price to be paid for that feeling. And I’m learning even through, again, going back to mindset and science, that our body really has a chemical cocktail that it wants to make.

All the dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, endorphins from working out, we can produce those chemicals in our bodies that alcohol actually hijacks and minimizes our body’s production of. And when I learned that too, I was like, oh my gosh, I’m actually taking away. The hormones and the chemicals that my body wants to make by artificially stimulating it in my body at such an enormous amount.

You know, like that’s what alcohol does. It’s this over stimulation of, uh, this high that’s got to come down. And that’s why a lot of times people feel worse and end up drinking more in an effort to feel better. And they’re just getting back up to where they were before they were. Yeah, and let’s be honest, I mean, if you’re drinking to take the edge off, I mean, we need to figure out a better way to take the edge off.

That’s right. And that that edge, you know, that edge is feedback. That Edge is saying, what is not working in my life? Am I feeling anxious? Am I angry? Am I sad? Those emotions are data that we are numbing and using this blunt tool of just erasing. And you know, Brene Brown is very outspoken about her alcohol free lifestyle and Brene is is so great out there.

And she talks about how you can’t selectively numb that everything is on a spectrum, just like joy and sadness. Are on a spectrum. So when we numb our unpleasant or negative emotions or take something really great and try to enhance it, oftentimes people are drinking because they’re so happy or that’s overwhelming, or it’s a beautiful patio.

What what’s happening is we’re numbing it all. We can’t selectively numb or dull. And so that’s what I was finding is I was also sure I was taking the edge off, but I was creating a new edge. That I was constantly trying to take off, you know, and alcohol actually really creates a thirst for itself. It creates the edge that now it says, you need me?

Mm-hmm. to take that edge off. And it’s the actual. Edge that the alcohol is perpetuating, right? I hear people say, well, especially during this quarantine, right? During quarantine time, quarantine, they were going . So they’re like, well, I have to have this. This is the one thing I look forward to. Like that’s the one thing you have to look forward to.

Man, we got a problem. Right? I mean, that’s not something we should have to look forward to. There should be so many other things. Even in quarantine. Exactly. And yet I can so relate. I can so relate to that feeling of it’s my reward and. Yeah, I really had so much value placed in alcohol as something that there was, at one point I felt, and this would be another red flag, if someone’s listening going, do I need to cut down?

Do I need to take a break? Do I need to look at my relationship with drinking? I found myself really guarding it and protective of it like, like it is my one thing, like I’ll do anything else. She asked me to, but don’t take that. Don’t take that away. And again, my grip on it was really tighter. Then I wanted it to be, and I didn’t really know how to let go of the grip and replace it with something better.

There was a moment there where I had to let go of one thing to grab hold of another thing. Mm-hmm. , that was better. And that’s, that’s really what I’m passionate about helping women do, is just discover what to do in that interim when that, ok. I do see that I have an unhealthy relat. I do wanna make some changes.

Gosh, where even start, I don’t even know what, I definitely don’t wanna say always, never, or ever. That’s just way too daunting. So I think it’s important to have place in the conversation to take breaks, to learn a different mindset and not have to necessarily. Grab a label or say this big declaration of, okay, I have an unhealthy relationship with drinking.

I’m never gonna do it again. Instead of looking at at loss, or taking things. Just looking more at what we can gain, what can we gain? So how do you help women to, you know, try to do this? Because when I did it for a month by myself, I mean, I could do it. I was able to do it. But I’ll tell you, I think if I’d had some support, you know, I talked to my clients all the time, having support and accountability, it makes things, we are more likely to be able to achieve our goal if we have that support and account.

Hands down. Hundred percent. It is all about connection. Cause like you, you know, I took many breaks. I kind of worked on this on my own, and so the mental dialogue I had in my own head between me, myself, and I, , made it so easy to quit or justify or look around and see everyone else was drinking too. Come on, Jen.

Who cares. Having support of like-minded people who do understand, who are not judgmental, there’s no shame. It’s not like, oh, I don’t get it. Oh, that sounds hard. It’s more like, oh, I do get it. That is hard, and this is how we can navigate that. The connection is so key. I think isolation is a bigger enemy than alcohol ever will be.

I think isolation is where we get. Trapped and disheartened, and we quit running our race. And if you’re running a race that’s difficult with other people, and it’s like a marathon, you’re gonna keep running if you’ve got a partner to run with. And that’s really what Soberist has become. It’s like this huge , this huge marathon of runners.

And some people, you know, catch their stride sooner. Some people just need a lot of cheering on. It just doesn’t matter. We’re all in the same race. It’s just so cool to watch women support each other with so much acceptance and empathy. Just not sympathy, not pity, not, oh, that’s hard. I don’t get it. That’s hard for you.

I’m gonna drink over here. Sorry for you. It’s more like, Hey, how can we change this and make it really positive and dare I say, fun? , could it be fun taking a break for alcohol? Oh my gosh. People are so afraid that they won’t be fun anymore if they’re not drinking. Here we are coming out of this quarantine time for many of us looking at our summer patios and our boats and the lake, and getting back out there and socializing with people.

And people are terrified that if they don’t have alcohol in their, in their cup, in their hand, that they won. Fun that they’ll be fuddy-duddy. And the word even sober sounds somber. It sounds so sad, like it’s a punishment and, no, I think we just break onto the scene with this. Oh my gosh, I’m living alcohol free.

I can do anything I want anytime I want. If someone says, Hey, Jen, let’s go do this. I’m not like, oh. Oh, I’ve had a couple. Maybe I shouldn’t climb that or get on that jet ski or whatever. I’m game for anything. It was so cool. I have to tell you on Mother’s Day, my 20 year old son who’s living at home right now because of, you know, the world we’re living in, but I love it

So my 20 year old son’s at home, it was Mother’s Day. We looked at each other. It was a beautiful Texas evening. He goes, you wanna go hit tennis? There I was at 7:30 PM on Mother’s Day on the tennis court. Do you think I would’ve been doing that had I had mimosas since noon? No, probably not. I would’ve been kind of just mellowed out in front of the TV or just laying low.

I would not have had the energy. I would not have had the mental wherewithal to go hit the tennis ball, but instead, we had a blast. I loved it, and I felt like at the drop of the hat, I could join in more fun because I wasn’t numbed out from trying to have the fun with a drink. Yeah. And it was so young.

It was such a win. Ugh. I love that. I love the love that being just present. Yeah, being mindful and present and getting to enjoy all the activities. You know, it’s funny, last night I went to an event with some friends, so we social distanced and we hadn’t been around each other and I was the only one not drinking.

And you know, somebody. I did this. It is funny cuz I knew we were gonna talk today and everything. It’s like, do I drink? Do I not drink? Do I drink, do I not drink? And I was listening to an IG live that you did with somebody else and you, you both said, it’s so nice not to have to make that decision. Do you drink?

Do you not drink? Do you do, do you not drink? And. I’m like, I’m not drinking because my husband just had an incident with his heart and so he can’t be driving for six months and I didn’t even dawn on me that part of it until we got in the car last night and I was driving him home and I’m like, Thank goodness I wasn’t drinking.

But the first question is like, why? Why are you not drinking? I just say, and it’s true. It doesn’t agree with me. It just doesn’t work for me. Yeah. But I really am gonna. Tell you, I, I’m gonna join in on your challenge you’ve got coming up. So tell us about your challenge and I wanna encourage all the listeners out there if you want to join in.

This would be a great time, especially after quarantine to, to do this. Absolutely. It’s just a great time to reset. Yeah, I actually call it the 21 day reset or challenge. You could just look at it like that because yeah, it’s just like, you know, we’re all cleaning out our closets and stuff during this quarantine.

Why don’t we clean out our mind too and our bodies a little bit? And you know, I know that alcohol numbers and drinking has gone so way up that people are probably just. Just ready just to make a shift, make a little change, and yeah, you’re right. This is a great time. So we really do look at it like that, but what you end up finding is so much more.

So I have this 21 day reset where basically it’s a series of emails that I send for 21 days with different topics, the very topics that I needed to know when I was taking my break that. Like we’ve discussed LEAP or the social aspect or why we’re drinking in the first place, the emotions, we talk about all that in the reset.

So it’s very, it’s really a holistic view of our relationship with alcohol, mind, body, and spirit. Because I really feel like we’re a whole person. We can’t just look at one aspect and compartmentalize. We don’t do that in other areas of our life, so I really kinda tie it in that way. I would say the biggest, unique thing about sober in all the wonderful coaching programs out there, and many things to choose from in this area.

Is the way we connect our connection is unbelievable. There are thousands of women that have done this 21 day reset, and we have a closed Facebook group, which is a very protected private place. So people don’t feel like they’re airing this out with people that don’t get it. They’re just airing it out with people that do, and that is such a safe place and major camaraderie in there.

And if people are winning and having these awesome experiences, They’re sharing. So it really encourages other people. But hey, if people are struggling and they’re on day three or day 10 or day 17 of the 21 day reset, and they’re drinking, they slip, they had some, it’s not a time to disconnect in our group.

No. We’re like, this is more reason for you to connect. We get it. We’ve done it by ourselves. If you disconnect, if you’re struggling, you’re doomed. You know, there’s no way to fail in sober cyst or the 21 day. Unless you quit or disconnect. So our whole motto is progress over perfection. We are not looking to check a box on our calendar for 21 days so that we can wipe our hands and go, whoop.

I don’t have that big of a problem cuz I did quit for 21 days drinking, you know, we looking for more. What can I learn? How can I shift and change my mindset? In that 21 days. Um, so it’s not about perfection. It’s not about just signing up to not drink for 21 days, although I do think it’s a gift to yourself to give your experience the clarity and clear mind, you know, having a sober mind.

I do say that if I use the word sober, I use it as sober CI or sober minded because I wanna. Present, alert, awake, aware, in my own life. And to me that’s what being sober minded is all about. And so bringing in that mindful piece versus the, um, necessarily checking days off or counting days, I always tell people it’s a marathon not as sprint.

So if, if women are in our reset and a they’re running and they fall down on miles 17, day 17, whatever, you know, you don’t go back to the starting line of a marathon if you. No, you just get back up dust on the off look around. People are like, you can do it. They’re rooting for you, and you get back up and you get refocused.

You look back at the goal, which is not an arrival place. It’s more like, what do you want in your life? What do you want? What’s a vision that’s so much bigger than dulling? Your spark in numbing out at night? What’s bigger than, you know? What’s bigger? What are you shooting for and what’s really creating a life that you love enough that you don’t wanna numb out from?

How can we do that? And so the 21 days is really just a beginning and women can stay connected in our tribe, well after that reset for no additional cost, no price, because I think connection is priceless. And so I do charge for the reset, just like you would for any program coach. But what I have found is I actually help women save money , when they do the one day reset, they’re actually spending less than what they would.

On drinking. And so I know with, you know, finances up in the air for people and people, you know, getting. Furloughed and cut from their jobs. I do. I am hearing that. But Jen, I dunno if I can afford it, it’s $97. I’ll just go ahead and say it because it’s not a secret. $97 for really a lifetime of support in this area.

And so I really found that when people pay, they pay attention. And so, . It’s been really great to say, oh girl, you can reallocate, you can take that, that Friday night money and put it towards self-care, which is what this reset really is. It’s the ultimate self-care treat for yourself. Oh, and I’m so about self-care.

You know, it’s so funny to sit here and listen to this. I’m like, oh my gosh. It’s exactly what we talk about in fast Away to. Progress over perfection. That’s our whole thing. It is a lifestyle. It is not a, a sprint. It’s like, it’s not like you get there and you’re done. Right. And that’s, you know, when I started reading about you and reading about how you’ve created this and this lifestyle and everything, this exactly what we talk about in the health coaching that I do, in, in faster way of fat loss.

We talk about find your wife. Why do you wanna be like this? Where do you wanna be? You know? And there are no quick fixes to anything, right? Right. That’s just not life. If it’s worth it, there is no quick fix. So I love this and I’m so excited cuz I’m joining in and in the interim, uh, when I know that your next program starts June 1st.

Right. But for like somebody like, I’m gonna go ahead and join today so you can get ’em plugged in. Right. They don’t have to wait till June 1st. Correct. And then people that are listening to this like two months from now, they can still go, go on your website and let’s tell ’em Yeah, you can join at any time.

I’ve already got, uh, Kind of a place where you can start connecting immediately, even if it’s in between the beginning of the month, which is how I’m running the resets right now. It’s really kind of cool. It’s almost like a Soberist pledge class. It’s like, oh, I love, I dunno if you’re an sorority in college, but I was, and it’s almost like, okay, we’ve got the June girls and all the May girls just finished and then we cheering.

When I say finished, you know, began the journey. But in the interim, I do these, what I call runway zoom calls, which is kind of like you’re on the runway, like you haven’t lifted off yet into the full-blown reset, but you can begin to start even becoming more mindful, even without stopping. Drinking. So people are hearing me and they’re like, uh, I don’t need to taper off.

Or like, whoa, I wanna sign up and I don’t wanna quit drinking today. That freaks me out. And we kinda have a runway where you can start to just get to know me, get to know our tribe. Our language is really different and I think that you’ll like it because it’s very freedom giving and. Confining and uh, so yeah, so I do that weekly.

And we also use a really cool app in our sisterhood in our tribe called Marco Polo. And it’s a free video app that women download on their phones. And we have numerous. Marco Polo groups going within our tribe with Chad’s little pods of women connecting on such a real heart level. They’re actually getting together in some of these groups in person.

They’re making meetups and it’s just so cool because the power of connection. Is what they’re saying has made all the difference in the world. You can Google anything, you can read a book, but you can’t get this from other people. So really the value of Soberist is really the network itself. It’s all the sober-minded sisters pulling together.

That is the value of really what we have to offer each other. And it’s so, it’s so exciting. Cause everyone has something to bring. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I love this. I love this. So tell everybody where they can find you on your website, Facebook, Instagram, all of that. For sure. And I’m definitely on Instagram.

That’s a place where I really have a lot of fun sharing mocktail recipes and. Alternatives and options like what to drink when you’re not drinking. So, um, if you find me on Instagram, I’m at sober cis. I also have all my links in my bio there. Um, if you go to sober cis.com, I have a free guide. So if people are like, whoa, Jen, I don’t know about this reset, but I do wanna check you out a little bit more and I wanna see if you can help me just for tonight.

Like I just wanna, it, it’s Friday when we’re recording this. I know people can hear it anytime, but maybe they’re going to an event or they just wanna take eight night off and don’t even know where to begin. Mm-hmm. . I have a free guy that has really my top five tips and tricks for even just taking a break from drinking for a night or for wine o’clock session.

And that’s at sober cis.com. And then for the 21 day reset, if you go to sober cis.com. 21 day challenge. You can go straight to signing up and, um, you’ll immediately get a reassurance email from me, reminding you, you really did do the right thing, , and telling me a little bit more about what to do next.

That’s awesome. I’m so excited about this. I really am. I’m so excited about meeting you and this friendship and just everything. So I know that a lot of the listeners are gonna find this very helpful and hey guys, remember, uh, you’ll be able to find all this. I’ll have all this linked in the show notes.

You’ll be able to find all the information. If you know somebody that needs to hear this, please, please share this with them and then maybe even share it on Instagram and tag me. Well Unworthy life and Janet Sober, cause we’d like to know that you enjoyed this and, and listen to. Picture drinking like a spectrum.

You know, it’s not all black and white, all or nothing. There’s this gray area, and so if you feel like you are in this gray area and some of the end of the line, kind of the end of the spectrum, resources just aren’t fitting you. They’re just not fitting where you are. That’s really where I think Silvers can come in and say, Hey, we’ll meet you somewhere in the.

And we can talk about drinking in a way that that is like that somewhere in the middle where you can discover and wrestle out loud. I just think gray area, drinking’s a real thing. Yeah, I totally agree. And so I’m just excited about this. Me too. I’m excited to have you join us. Thanks so much for joining me.

Hey guys, don’t forget. Be sure and subscribe and rate and review the podcast. Thanks for joining me. Stay tuned. We’ll see what we end up with next week. Who knows right now . Bye-bye.

About the Host

I too, struggled in my late 40s when I hit peri-menopause! I was experiencing all those not-so-fun physical changes in my body, as well as mental and emotional fatigue. What worked for me before was not working anymore. 

And the mainstream wellness advice I was following was not for women my age but for women years younger. I also realized very quickly that there is no one formula that works for all women. We are all different and need a customized approach. This aha moment was the first step to my transformation…

FREE Exclusive 7-PART private podcast series

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Reclaim Your Energy & Vitality: Discover the Pivotal Changes You Need to Make in Midlife To Feel Your Best!

You can defy the effects of peri & post-menopause and rediscover your youthful self again! Begin your journey with this free podcast series as your guide to thrive in your 40s, 50s & beyond. 

The Reset To ReEnergize mini course podcast series is for women experiencing peri and post-menopause symptoms who want a wellness jumpstart so they can begin to say goodbye to their low energy, belly fat, insomnia, (and that’s just to name a few of those pesky menopause symptoms!) ––and hello to a more vibrant youthful you that is just waiting to return

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  • Sleep: Why it’s so important at this stage of life (and what happens if you don’t).
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  • and more..
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And guess what? Get ready to be pleasantly surprised by unexpected extras, conquer exciting challenges, and dive into a flow of hot topic content tailored to your journey.
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