Update On My Boomerang Child And What I Learned

It has been 6 months since my son, Cole (the boomerang child) has moved back in with me and my husband.  Having him back home has had more pros than cons for me.  I hope he feels the same way.

Grown Children Moving Home

Update On My Boomerang Child

Cole has decided to go back into the tech world that he is so good at.  He has accepted a position as a software developer for a company here in Birmingham.  I could not be any prouder of him.  He not only got a great job he negotiated a generous compensation package.  He should give lessons or even write a book on negotiating.

Cole has been great about including me and asking my opinion.  He may not always take my advice but at least he listens. We found a great apartment that is close to his new company.   He will be moving out in March.

Having Cole back home for the last few months has been great.  I have especially loved watching the relationship between Cole and Jeff grow.  This has given them the opportunity to get to know each other better and maybe even understand each other in a different way.

Learning from grown children

What I Learned From My Boomerang Child

When I first wrote about him moving back home to refocus, I thought I had really thought through the expectations and together we had made it clear.  However, since then I have learned that we did not communicate all of the expectations at the beginning as well as we should have.

If I did it again, I would write everything out, more like a contract.  It doesn’t have to be so legal but I think writing it out and having everyone look at it and agree is much better than just talking about the expectations.  When you write it out be as clear and cover everything the best you can.

For instance, one of the things that bothered me was when I needed help doing something either for my website or something around the house, I expected Cole to help me immediately.  In my mind, if he wasn’t doing something I thought was productive then he should help me.

However, after having many conversations with Cole I realize how unrealistic that is.  Even though I felt it was unproductive it was his time.  He wasn’t a child anymore that I could control what he does with his time. That is one of the hardest things about having a boomerang child realizing I can’t (nor do I want to) control and tell him what to do.

Don’t get me wrong he is very helpful when I need him but we did have some sticky situations where I got mad because he didn’t do it the way I thought he should do it. Luckily, Cole and I are very good at communicating with one another and we are able to quickly resolve any disagreement we have.

Learning from your child

Another thing I am learning is to be careful with advice, especially when it is unsolicited.  Just this morning, I hinted (maybe a little passive aggressive) that he should do something.  He told me to stop worrying about him.  But what he doesn’t understand I won’t ever stop worrying about my children.

Having the time with Cole at this stage of his life and watching him navigate through life has been great and stressful all at the same time.  Dr. Phil says “A mother is only as happy as her saddest child.”  I think this is so true!

Cole has also helped me realize that I do things quickly, maybe too quickly.  I need to slow down and enjoy the moment.  In my health coaching, I talk about being present and mindful but it seems like I need to continue to work on this myself.

I love every stage of having children.  It just keeps getting better to me.  We can learn so much from our children if we are open and receptive to them.

What are you learning from your child today?

Stay tuned Cole will be sharing an update from his point of view.



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